The crossroads of unease

It's been a couple of days and it wouldn't go away. The fear and anxiety that was bearing down in my thoughts, not often but that it was there at all was enough.  

It's an old demon, a place of darkness and shadows of fading habits. I faced this many times. My worthiness. Accepting that things can be alright. Learning to create my existence instead of being a victim of them,

I felt something was "off". I couldn't place what. I couldn't say why either, but the thoughts. They were there the unexplained fear and suspicion and my old response of fight and flight.

I wanted to cry. I was afraid more than I cared to admit. I wanted to be brave but I kept reacting in fear and responding in anger. 

I'm homeless. Untraditionally self employed, living a life beyond my wildest dreams and imaginations. It's my life of choice.

But you know what that required first? 

Giving up. 

The old expectations, dreams, goals, ideas, thoughts, and relationships. 

So that I could receive. That which I knew was unfolding, already mine. 

I have a life that I am grateful for, I create situations and moments I want to experience. Reality and the story is mine. 

I asked for help. He said, "In this moment choose." I didn't understand until I did. 

I choose in this moment gratitude and love. I accept responsibility and I say to the universe only my best only what is mine. 

#solutionseeking I live in the bounty of the present. 


(Originally posted 6 months ago)